Conservative Purification of Federal Employees: the satire in Candidate Gingrich’s ideological war on Americans!

Keywords or Terms: Conservatives, Liberals; ‘Revamp and Standardize’; Republican Aspirant; Federal Employees; Federal Retirees; Office of Personnel Management; “President Gingrich”; January, 2013; FOX NEWS; Reverend Mike Huckabee; Dictator; Committee of Conservative Republicans; and Conservative-Values Board of Assessment for Federal Employees”

Candidate Gingrich wants to ‘revamp and standardize’ public policy on employment according to the epistle of the new right conservative messiah. To purify the nonsensical liberal leanings of federal employees or to ensure that federal employees are not, and do not, turn 'lefties' or share liberal views, let's terminate any suspected federal employees of this unacceptable crime! Here comes the McCarthy era all over again: “By all means possible, let’s drop the lefties under the bus, whether illegal or not!” To ensure federal employees are qualified and a good fit for the touted conservative values shared by candidate Newt Gingrich, let’s screen them for their personal views. Let’s schedule their appointment, retention, advancement or termination not for their ability to perform the duties as contained in their job’s description, but for their individual and personal views.

Former Speaker of the United State’s House of Representatives wants to fire public employees based on personal views. Given the choice, Newt Gingrich, one of the Republican aspirants for the November 8, 2012 Presidential contest, wants to terminate public employees with liberal views. As if playing to the fancy of conservative wing of the Republican party and viewers of Reverend Mike Huckabee program on FOXNEWS, Speaker Gingrich says: “I think an intelligent conservative wants the right federal employees delivering the right services in a highly efficient way and then wants to get rid of those folks who are in fact wasteful, or those people who want to frankly dictate to the rest of us,” Gingrich said in response to a question from a federal employee at the forum.” According to the great and probably most adulterous Republican candidate to ever run this decade, with lackluster performances in the Iowa Caucuses and New Hampshire Primary, who is trying to woo the conservative Republican voters in South Carolina, any Federal Employee with ideological left leaning, should be shown the door.

Inferring from his pronouncement, Gingrich wants Office of Personnel Management, directors, mangers and supervisors to check for the liberal views of their staff based on a conservative barometer that determines who is essentially conservative enough to work for the federal government. The new conservative barometer to be initiated by “President Newt Gingrich” would standardize the evaluation and retention of federal employees based on a conservative calibrator! A calibrator crafted by the Republican conservatives for the rest of us; and, if we don’t meet up to who is conservative enough, show us the door from federal employment service. The self-identified conservative, but not so favored Republican aspirant for nomination for the 2012 November contest, will like to eliminate all liberal views and values in any federal government agency and re-affirm the chastity of being conservative!

Reverend Mike Huckabee gave Newt Gingrich enough time to represent himself on his show on Saturday; and, did he truly offer some insightful comments that will startle any employment lawyer or make a Judge on the Federal or state court circuits or bench go comatose. “President Gingrich” wants office of personnel management to participate in personnel actions against employees, contrary to the current provisions of employment laws, never to advance or terminate employees based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, handicapping condition, marital status, or political affiliation. “President Gingrich” wants to hire and fire federal employees, use a webcam to check and score federal employees for their conservative or non-conservative (liberal) views – that’s the new America to look forward to in January, 2013. 

To overcome the messy experience of firing the Air Controllers under President Reagan, “President Gingrich” wants to second guess or get ahead of the Federal Employees, by ensuring that they are conservative enough to occupy a federal post, from the mail room guy to the Secretary of the Agency! “President Gingrich” wants a platform for interviewing prospective federal employees using the conservative philosophical ideology in lieu of existing legal employment framework and laws. The Office of Personnel Management has to fill future positions in federal employment based on the conservative values of the Republican Party and prescription of the new “President Gingrich” come January 2013. 

In the opinion of the 67 year-old former speaker of the House, employment, retention and promotion of Federal Employees have not been essentially conservative enough; he would like to try a process that ensures that employees that seem to be liberal leaning in their thinking or writing, can easily be terminated without due process. For the soon to be “President Gingrich”, the fact that we have some liberal federal employees, is too disheartening and unacceptable. Given the forthcoming change, the soon to be enthroned “President Gingrich” will establish a committee of conservative Republicans to conduct periodic oversight over all Federal Agencies regarding how conservative enough they are; or, to what degree they deviate from conservative values as prescribed by him and his cohorts; majority of whom may be Tea Party members. 

“President Gingrich” wants to encourage hiring and firing of federal employees based on the prescription of Tea baggers! Since liberal leaning federal employees seem to be obstructionists on the job, it is better to implement this new order of business, where all federal employees will swear to an oath to uphold the conservative doctrine of ‘hear no evil, see no evil or say no evil’ of any employees or policies that are in proper conservative status as determined by the Republican “President Gingrich”. If a liberal leaning employee is identified after employment into federal service, it is the duty of other vetted and ascertained conservatives in federal employment to expose this employee as not being conservative enough at all cost. To improve the employment process into federal service, “President Gingrich” wants to interview prospective employees into federal service based on conservative-friendly questionnaires that are to be prescribed and implemented in secrecy; or, with content firmly entrenched in conservative values; and newly employed federal employees “determined” as conservative enough to retain their various positions based on their hierarchical position on the ladder of conservativeness. 

Exploring conservativeness, through the use of kitchen-cabinet questionnaires prescribed by the newly inaugurated “President Gingrich”, is not only in order; it is the sin-qua-non of any recruitment into federal service come January 2013. A termination letter must be issued to existing federal employees who fail to measure up to the conservative threshold duly identified and prescribed by “President Gingrich” and his cabinet. Generally, all entry-level federal employees must gather in the ‘hall of conservativeness’ in all federal agencies to receive training, conferences or workshop on the first day of employment, on the expected conservative values of federal employment. All federal employees will be expected to receive guidelines on adherence to conservative values. In situations, where the mid-career federal employees are found to be slacking-off on conservative values, they must be interviewed, re-trained and intermittently monitored by the soon to be newly established “Conservative-Values Board of Assessment for Federal Employees” under the conservative icon, “President Gingrich”! 

In daily round of conservative pep-talk to be given-out on a roaster of morning assemblies’ at all federal agencies, federal employees are expected to imbibe the newly introduced ethos of conservativeness as espoused by “President Gingrich”. All truly identified and ascertained conservative federal employees are superior to all others. They must lead the conservative training workshops on how to be conservative enough; and, offer opportunities to show their dedication regarding advancements and promotions on federal employment. As part of the federal agencies' advancement credo, all federal employees are expected to discuss conservative thoughts and offer reactions suitable for maintaining the conservative ethos as prescribed by “President Gingrich.” Regional Directors of Federal Agencies are compelled to use a weekly camera session to link and bring all federal employees in their domain, to ensure that that ethos of conservativeness are alive and thriving under “President Gingrich”! 

When working with federal employees suspicious of having left leaning and liberal values, the essence of conservativeness must be espoused and reiterated by the most highly conservative staff in the department. For example, all liberal judges, who are suspected of attempting to re-write federal laws through their rulings; and, who are out of line with conservatively-accepted values of his royal highness, the doyen of conservative values, “President Gingrich”, will be replaced. Just as a liberal Judge can and must be replaced under the newly introduced conservative-enough barometers, efforts must be made to terminate judges on the federal bench, who may be suspected of promoting liberal values in their rulings or judgments. It is hoped that through the new dispensation under “President Gingrich” many federal employees and Americans will become more conservative. 

Former federal employees, who have retired with full-benefits, who were suspected to have been liberal or held lefties-views, must be informed through the federal gazette that their meritorious services were lacking of conservativeness; and, as such will be ducked in their retirement payments for lacking the quality of a well deserved retirement benefits for former federal officials with the duly acceptable conservative values. The conservative federal officials will compile the list of less conservative former federal employees and the right-wing media will read-off their names on daily bulletin immediately after the inauguration of “President Gingrich”. 

N.B: 

For those federal employees and retirees, who are alarmed by the new pronouncement of the former speaker on Saturday, and future “Dictator President Gingrich”, never worry; don’t be alarmed, Newt has the slightest and probably the least likely prospect to get through Florida primary. In short, he has a zero chance of being the Republican nominee comes November, 2012. Finally, this nightmare of a politician and Republican candidate is a star gazer, who is just holding on to the thread of survival in a very brutal nomination process for the Republican flag-bearer for the 2012 general elections.

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